Within the Story of Scripture, you find God’s good plan of marriage. It is God who created marriage and it was his plan from the beginning. When Jesus was confronted by the Pharisees about divorce, Christ pointed back to Genesis as Gods intention.
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.
Genesis 2:24-25
Marriage is built upon a covenant. Unlike a contract that sets out conditions and expected behaviors; covenant says I will love you and do what is best for you regardless of how you act. To understand this kind of love we must understand God’s love for us. People say that God loves me unconditionally. While there is much truth in this, this seems to also imply unconditional approval, including sin. We see Christ rebuking the sin of the Pharisees, and at times the disciples. Rather, God loves us “contraconditional.” Contrary to the conditions normally required to know God’s blessing, He has blessed me because His Son fulfilled the conditions. Contrary to my sins, He loves me.
In marriage, we love out of this “contra-conditional” love which comes from God. In spite of what my spouse does or how they act, I can love them because of what Christ has done. This does not mean that we do not address sinful behavior. Confronting sin is one of the most loving things we can do.
The primary metaphor of marriage is a one-flesh union. This union if found not only in the sexual union of a husband and wife coming together, but in the unity that if found in the relationship. Marriage should be marked by unity and strive towards that end.
To define marriage more fully, we will use Tim Keller’s definition of marriage:
“A lifelong, monogamous relationship between a man and a woman. According to the Bible, God devised marriage to reflect his saving love for us in Christ, to refine our character, to create stable human community for the birth and nurture of children, and to accomplish all this by bringing the complementary sexes into an enduring whole-life union.”
Timothy Keller, Meaning of Marriage
Marriage is God’s good plan to be fruitful fill the earth and subdue it (Gen 1:28). Covenanting to live together in a lifelong, monogamous relationships provides for stability and security. Marriage enables us to create stable environments to raise children in the knowledge and fear of the Lord. Two people, together with God, can do more together than separately (Ecclesiastes 4:12). The bible is clear that we will have trouble in this world. (John 16:33). We face of suffering, trials, but also blessings and prosperity. Every day we are confronted with the choice to give glory to God through our actions, or to bring ourselves glory. We participate in the Kingdom of God or the lonely Kingdom of Me. When we participate in the Kingdom of God, husband and wife work together to grow in their faith and righteousness. I thank God for my wife who challenges me when I sin and encourages me when I am down. I would not be the man I am today without her by my side. My wife and I are different in almost every way, God brought us together to complement each other and to grow each other.
It is hard to get a good perspective on marriage. We all see it through the inevitably distorted lenses of our own experience. If you came from an unusually stable home, where your parents had a great marriage, that may have “made it look easy” to you, and so when you get to your own marriage you may be shocked by how much it takes to forge a lasting relationship. On the other hand, if your parents experienced a bad marriage or a divorce, either as a child or an adult, your view of marriage may be overly wary and pessimistic. You may be too expectant of relationship problems and, when they appear, be too ready to say, “Yup, here it goes,” and your reaction is to give up. In other words, any kind of background experience of marriage may make you ill equipped for it yourself.
“A good marriage is a good marriage because the people in that marriage work to make it good.” Paul Tripp, What did you Expect
False Stories of the World
We are confronted with false stories of marriage each day. These subtle lies creep in to distort our view of our spouses and of the institution of marriage. These are just some of the false stories that we can find ourselves in.
- Consumerism – My worth is determined by the things I have, the places I go, and the events I go to. I must pour my life into work in order to keep up my lifestyle. Have you seen the house we just built, of coarse we are doing good. Sure I work 65 hours a week, but it will all be worth it when my family goes on that dream trip to Bora Bora. Without something or some event, the relationship suffers from the stress of overworking, fiances, and inability to relate to each other.
- Individualism/Comfort – I am at the center of all things. I don’t need a spouse to take care of me. What I think is more important than others, and at times even facts. My spouse is here to serve me and ensure my comfort. My desire and “needs” come before others. I work hard, I deserve ________.
- Romanticism – Marriage is built on love, if I stop feeling loved or stop loving my spouse, then its time to move on. Love/respect is owed to me and my spouse has an obligation to fulfill it. If they do not fulfill my need for love or respect then I am hurt, devastated, and/or angry. They must be the problem if I am not feeling loved.
- Progressivism – Things are always getting better, we are better today than yesterday, and we will be better tomorrow than we were today. My hope is in future events or things. We just need that new house, boat, car, a fully-funded retirement account, one more promotion, child, ect and we will be set.
- Pragmatism – Whatever works must be true. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. My marriage is functional and does not have major problems, or at least any that we would admit to. We have a good marriage and I don’t want to make anything worse.
- American Civil Religion/Moral Therapeutic Deism – Marriage should be palatable and to modern sensibilities. As long as I do not cheat on my spouse, I provide for my family, and occasionally buy my spouse things, we are happy. Marriage should not take work. Disagreements waste time so we should do whatever my spouse wants to do, its not worth a fight. As long as we are not fighting, we have a happy marriage.
What false stories are you living in? What lies do you find yourself embracing?
How does your marriage fit into the story of Scripture? Does it?
This week look for the false stories that are impacting your life. How can you reject those lies and live in the truth found in Scripture?