In the book Redeeming Sex in Marriage, Scott Mehl offers a profound and practical guide for married couples seeking to understand the divine purpose of sex within a biblical framework. The book is both deeply theological and richly practical, aiming to empower couples to embrace God’s design for sex as a means of covenantal union, mutual pleasure, marital love, procreation, and a reflection of our relationship with Christ. Mehl’s prayer is that readers “discover both the God-given nature of your sexuality and the magnitude of Christ’s power to redeem it,” which is clearly seen throughout the book.
“Your sex life is a thermometer, not a thermostat. It generally reflects the temperature of your relationship; it doesn’t determine the temperature.”
Mehl emphasizes that sex isn’t just a physical act but something spiritual takes place. Challenging our cultures view of sex as a means to personal fulfillment, he states that “sex was never intended to ultimately satisfy, even in the garden.” Instead, we should see it as a shadow of the eternal intimacy believers will experience with Christ. This is a theologically grounded view of sex and points to a great mystery found in Scripture. Mehl’s goal is not to impose an “arbitrary sexual ideal” but to help couples “explore and discover each other” in a way that deepens their love for God and one another.
“But whether were young or old, satisfied or frustrated, hurt or healed, we all have questions about sex and sexuality-whether were willing to ask them or not… But having a lot of questions isn’t the same as asking a lot of questions. If were honest, the vast majority of the questions we have about sex and sexuality go unasked, whether out of shame, embarrassment, or just a lack of opportunity.”
The book’s strength lies in its balance of theological insight and practical application, avoiding the pitfalls of abstract theorizing or oversimplified advice. Mehl’s goal is not to impose an “arbitrary sexual ideal” but to help couples “explore and discover each other” in a way that deepens their love for God and one another. He addresses common struggles—shame, past sins, or unmet desires—with compassion, reminding readers that “sexual sin always damages and never satisfies” but that the gospel offers a new identity in Christ. Practical guidance, such as fostering consistent love outside the bedroom and communicating desires openly, underscores his belief that “your sex life is a thermometer, not a thermostat.” By providing questions to evaluate sexual practices (e.g., “Is it pleasurable for both of you?”), Mehl equips couples to pursue intimacy that aligns with God’s purposes, making the book a valuable tool for navigating real-world challenges.
“We are embodied souls, and the union of our bodies intertwines our souls.”
The book does a great job of confronting the distortions of sex in a fallen world, where it often becomes “broken, manipulative, and abusive.” He addresses common struggles (shame, past sins, or unmet desires) compassionately, reminding readers that “sexual sin always damages and never satisfies.” He traces these issues to the idolatry of the heart, noting that “sex is difficult and confusing because of the lingering idolatry in our hearts.” Yet, he offers hope through the gospel, declaring that “your sin doesn’t define you. God does.” This redemptive perspective is particularly powerful for couples wrestling with guilt or past trauma. Ultimately, Redeeming Sex in Marriage is a call to view sex as a gift imbued with divine purpose, pointing couples toward a deeper relationship with God and each other.
“I hope to help couples explore and discover each other rather than to impose some arbitrary sexual ideal. My goal is for you to know and love both God and your spouse more deeply.”
This is one of the best Christian books on sex and I recommend it for married Christians, pastors, or biblical counselors. It is a great resource and is helpful to understand the beautiful mystery of marital sex from a Christian perspective. It does not shy away from the difficulties and provides a redemptive focus that is only found in the Gospel.
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Redeeming Sex in Marriage: How the Gospel Rescues Sex, Transforms Marriage, and Reveals the Glory of God |
I received a free copy in exchange for my honest review. The opinions I express are my own and I was not required to write a positive review.