When Home Hurts: A Guide for Responding Wisely to Domestic Abuse in Your Church by Greg Wilson and Jeremy Pierre is a pastoral guide to wisely identify and minster to domestic abuse. Rather than taking a Biblical Narrative and looking for abuse within that story, Wilson and Pierre wisely use Scripture to provide perspective to view our each domestic abuse situation thoroughly and rightly apply Biblical wisdom. In defining abuse, they refer to it as a “me over you” and a use of authority or personal capacity to diminish another person’s capacity. They rightly distinguish between bad behavior and abuse.
“Like looking at a problem from different angles, when these thematic perspectives are assembled together, they offer a more dimensional picture of what is going on in domestic abuse. We’ll go further out on a limb and say that these biblical themes offer the only ultimately true perspective of domestic violence, since they alone give us insight into God’s ultimate perspective.”
Page 38
Wilson and Pierre have written a practical guide that seeks to minister to both the victim and abuser in the short term and long term. Abuse is a complicated problem that takes much time to work through. Wilson and Pierre don’t just point out the devastation and difficulties, they point to the healing power of the Lord in the midst of brokenness. This book provides a long-suffering framework of how to care well in the long term. It is often easier to minister to others in the short term. Counseling is given, sin is address, encouragement is given but then change can be expected. Abuse may take a long time to work through hurts, toxic behaviors, and to live out repentance.
The stated intended audience is Pastors, church leaders, or a friend or family member of someone you believe is being abused. There are also parts directed to those being abused as well as abusers. Though it seems written specifically to church leaders and biblical counselors. Those certain sections are directed to friends and family of those experiencing abuse.
There are a lot of helpful definitions and clarifications made to distinguish between sinful behavior and abuse. There are references to agencies and organizations that specialize in abuse as well as other resources and books they recommend. At the end of the book are helpful appendixes for further resource and specific circumstances.
“Our goal is not just to call you as a church leader, friend, or family member to be involved, but to show you how to be involved in ways that reflect God’s heart as displayed in His Word, and in ways that do not cause further harm.”
Page 23
While genuinely desiring and working towards reconciliation and restoration, Wilson and Pierre are realistic to the depravity in the world. Not every abuser will be changed, some do not want restoration. We must not allow patterns of abuse to continue just because the abuser shows signs of worldly sorrow or temporary signs of change. It takes wisdom and discernment but it also take time to know if repentance is true repentance.
“Any appearance of change in a pattern of domestic abuse that is not sustained long-term and is not accompanied by evidence of new patterns is not repentance, and should not be judged as such.”
Page 51
Abuse is difficult to work through and requires much wisdom and skill. The church has not always done this well which leads some to be fearful of involving the church in abuse care. While not going that far, there is a sense of hesitancy to provide care for abuse victims and abusers solely within the church. The book often advocates for expert assistance and advice. While I agree with this advice, it also saddens me that the church is not a safe place for victims to heal and a restorative place for abusers while holding the abuser accountable. The church has not cared well in these areas. This book provides practical advice and processes for churches to regain this trust and to recover its God given responsibility to care for the marginalized as well as lovingly and firmly correcting sin and bad behavior in the abuser.
“You are determining if a person in some position of authority is using his power to diminish the power of another to get what he wants. This means you will need to make a judgment call at two levels: the activity of the person with influence and the effects on the person under influence.”
Page 72
“Verbal abuse, for instance, is emotionally impactful, and emotions are an expression of spiritual activity. Instead, we are focusing our description of abuse on personhood as the image of God. Abuse is any diminishing of an individual’s God-given capacities of personhood, including their ability to perceive rightly. Thus, abuse dynamics can occur without ever laying a finger on another person.”
Page 74
I pray that all church leaders, pastors, counselors, and anyone desiring to learn more about abuse read this book. It is by far the most helpful and practical resource for caring for abuse within the church. It not only defines what abuse is but it provides a biblical framework towards ministering to the abused and the abuser. Both need God’s redemption in their lives, though there is a priority and ordering to how this is done. Lastly, it is important to understand that the depravity of man is such that not all will turn to Christ. Not all will desire change. The church must stand in the gap and do everything in their power to stop abuse and domestic violence but providing care, physical and financial help, and hope that can only be found in Christ.
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When Home Hurts: A Guide for Responding Wisely to Domestic Abuse in Your Church By Jeremy Pierre |
I received a free pdf copy in exchange for my honest review. I liked the book so much that I purchased it. The opinions I express are my own and I was not required to write a positive review.