Society has confused gender roles and sought to redefine them. Society has pointed out what it believes to be toxic manhood traits but has neglected to redefine what it means to be a man. Manhood isn’t defined by popular opinion, special interest groups, or so-called experts in the field. Manhood is defined by the Creator, God. God gave us the perfect example to follow in Christ. In Christ, we learn to be faithful, bold, compassionate, strong, meek, loving, prayerful, patient, kind, wise, generous, and truthful. Christ is ultimate power and strength under complete control.
Men Do Hard Things
My Father taught me that part of being a Father and being a man is laying down my preferences to serve my wife and family. I don’t think I could ever live up to the selflessness that he displayed during my childhood. One memorable occasion my dad worked all night, maybe got an hour of sleep and then drove 2 hours to go watch my football game (which we mostly lost terribly). After the game he drove 2 more hours to go hunting on opening day of quail season. There are so many easy and safe things to do, men do the hard things that Scripture calls us to.
Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.
1 Corinthians 16:13
What is easier?
- Do as I say
- Holding in our emotions, fears, concerns, complaints
- Lashing out in anger or storming off after an argument
- Staying mad after conflict
- Checking out by watching sports, playing video games or scrolling through Facebook
- Providing for your family financially
- Giving in when your child throws a tantrum to get what they want
- Being domineering and controlling
- Using your strength and size to intimidate and coerce
or
- Do as I do
- Putting words to what is bothering you, your emotions, fears, desires, frustrations.
- Refraining from sinning in our anger as we work to reconcile differences
- Apologizing for sin and bad behavior
- Being physically, emotionally present.
- Providing for your family’s spiritual, emotional, and physical needs
- Lovingly disciplining our children and correcting bad behavior
- Being a servant leader and selfless
- Using your strength and size to protect and provide security
Men Do Not Give Up
We applaud the underdog and athletes that do not give up. We cheer when Captain America gets knocked down he stumbles to his feet and says, “I can do this all day.” Proverbs 24:16, “for the righteous falls seven times and rises again.” Men will stumble, and fail, but true character is shown through perseverance. The hardest things in life often yield the greatest returns, do not give up.
Men Teach and Lead by Example
Men need other men (along with women) to look up to and to learn from. Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another (Proverbs 27:17). This means seeking out the fatherless and also the men that God has entrusted in your life (sons, family, neighbors, church members). Teaching truth is not enough, it must be modeled through imperfect examples. The righteous who walks in his integrity— blessed are his children after him (Proverbs 20:7)! Find other men to live life with; older men to teach you and younger men to teach.
Hear, O sons, a father’s instruction, and be attentive, that you may gain insight, for I give you good precepts; do not forsake my teaching. When I was a son with my father, tender, the only one in the sight of my mother, he taught me and said to me, “Let your heart hold fast my words; keep my commandments, and live. Get wisdom; get insight; do not forget, and do not turn away from the words of my mouth. Do not forsake her, and she will keep you; love her, and she will guard you. The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom, and whatever you get, get insight. Prize her highly, and she will exalt you; she will honor you if you embrace her. She will place on your head a graceful garland; she will bestow on you a beautiful crown.”
Proverbs 4:1-9
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Ephesians 6:4
Men Speak the Truth
Its easy to speak falsely, to say what everyone wants to hear. “A lying tongue hates its victims, and a flattering mouth works ruin” (Proverbs 26:28). We must speak the truth in all things. This goes beyond just having integrity, men must speak THE truth. We must preach the Gospel and how it applies to life.
Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ”
Ephesians 4:15
Men Hold Each Other Accountable
Men will fail and will need other men to convict them in their wrongdoing and encourage them to do better. “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault” (Matthew 18:15a). We walk alongside of each other and bear each other’s burdens. We do not give up on each other or turn our backs on them. This takes patience and long-suffering.
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
Proverbs 17:17
Men Feel
Christ experienced all emotions yet without sin. He was hungry, weak, happy, sad, angry, annoyed, excited, and more. Emotions and feelings are not sinful or wrong. All men feel and experience emotions but certain emotions are more intense than others. It is easy to experience and display anger, therefore, it is the emotion most often associated with false masculinity. Anger covers over the other emotions like fear, worry, love, compassion, desire, joy… True masculinity desires to know one’s self even if it is uncomfortable. Most of all men love.
And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.’ And they began to celebrate.
Luke 15:20-24
Men Provide
Men should provide for their families needs. This involves more than just their financial needs but extends to all of their needs. Wives and children need father’s in their lives. The need to be physically and emotionally present. Its easy to checkout after a hard day at work. Your work may keep you from your family most of the day. If that is your reality, then you need to make the time that you do have with your family count. Spending 15 minutes to discuss the day with your daughter before bed or playing catch with your son in the yard is a simple way of showing your loving care for them. Find impactful ways to spend with those that matter in your life.
Which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!
Matthew 7:9-11
A good man leaves an inheritance to his children’s children, but the sinner’s wealth is laid up for the righteous.
Proverbs 13:22
Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.
Psalm 127:3-5
Men Pray
Praying is a recognition that as men we are incapable of living up to the standard that Christ has set for us. We are sinful, selfish human beings. When we pray we acknowledge our limitations and turn to the one who can help. We have the Holy Spirit inside of us encouraging and empowering us to be the men God has called us to be.
If men do these things, even the world cannot complain.
What ways have you taken on a false identity in manhood?
What area are difficult to turn over to the Lord?
What men do you have in your life?