Build a Stronger Marriage by Bob Lepine, part of the Ask the Christian Counselor series, provides readers with practical and concise guidance on working through common problems in marriages. The author helps readers recognize the various factors that can cause distress and frustration in a marriage and how to make the necessary adjustments to build a stronger relationship with their spouse. The book is organized so that you can work through the whole book or individual chapters based on the problems in your marriage.
“The role of the counselor or therapist is not only to help us see how these patterns developed during our childhood but also to help us understand that what we grew up thinking and believing about ourselves may not be objectively true.”
The book provides straightforward and accessible guidance. Each chapter ends with a simple assignment to work through the challenges that arise in marriages. The author helps readers understand how their motivations and expectations about marriage, childhood hardships, or family of origin issues, guilt, shame, or unaddressed relational wounds can impact a marriage relationship. Lepine suggests that if readers aim to have a marriage that is pleasing to God, they will face each challenge as an opportunity to fix what’s broken and make ongoing progress toward that goal.
“What am I suggesting here? If your goal is to have a marriage that pleases you, you will face ongoing, perpetual frustration and disappointment. But when your goal is to have a marriage that is pleasing to God, each challenge you face along the way will be a fresh opportunity to fix what’s broken and make ongoing progress toward that goal.”
Throughout the book, the author provides insightful and practical advice on how to strengthen marriage bonds and improve communication with your spouse. This book would be a great addition to marriage counseling as a homework assignment or for those struggling in their marriage. It seems like the target audience is more for a Christian Counselor or Integrationist. Lepine often approaches a problem area through observation and secular perspective, then reinforces biblical principles and solutions. At times I found the message of the book lacking a Gospel tone towards some of the issues. At one point in the book, the author concedes that “most people getting married today are not virgins.” While this is a reality, the author seems to encourage the oddity of waiting until marriage. Overall, the book is an good resource for couples who want to strengthen their relationship or as a resource for counselors to point their counselees too.
“One final thought before we move on: if you find yourself thinking, My marriage issues don’t have anything to do with childhood trauma or family-of-origin issues or past guilt and shame, then before you rush past all that we’ve talked about here, take some time with God, asking him to confirm your conclusion. Ask him whether unresolved issues from your past might be leaking toxic fumes into your marriage today. Don’t discount the impact your past may have on your life and your relationships today.”